Super Bowl LIII Will Have Food Under $5

by on January 23, 2019

There’s a lot of reasons to hate watching sports live. Ticket prices. Uncomfortable seating. Not to mention the bullshit prices for stadium food.

The fact that a whole family spends hundreds in stadium food is absolutely ridiculous.

Now with Super Bowl LIII on the horizon, we can all imagine all the rich punks and super fans that will be cranking out thousands of dollars to watch Tom Brady wipe his ass.

One could only imagine how much stadium food will end up costing them, especially if they don’t live within Mercedes-Benz Stadium. But I guess that’s one thing that will be cheap.

Being one of the only stadiums to have these prices is also pretty embarrassing. And you would think more teams would start doing this.

Just look at how small these prices are. And i’m not kidding! These are the official prices for stadium food that will be available at Super Bowl LIII.

Super Bowl LIII Food Prices

These prices are just stupidly low! This is like high-school football food prices, and my dime-saving 16-year-old brain used to bitch about $1 Starbursts. Here are just a few of those listed prices.

  • Popcorn– $2
  • Hot-Dog– $2
  • Soda– $2 (The soda is refillable, free of charge! WHAT THE HELL!) 
  • Bottled Water– $2
  • 12 oz. Beer- $5

These prices are just ridiculous and have officially put every other kind of stadium food to shame. Not to mention that these are the listed prices for Super Bowl LIII. The fucking Super Bowl!

Just think of it this way. Super Bowls in general have been getting less and less people tuning in. The fact that the Patriots have marched the field for the third time means we could be spending more time doing productive things on a Sunday.

If anything, I’d raise prices knowing the people stupid enough to pay thousands on Super Bowl LIII tickets would pay $20 on a burger. And yet, here we have the home of the Falcons practically giving away food for pennies.

I can already see the memes of a guy holding 10 wieners in his mouth while his snot-nosed kid drowns in soda for the fourth time.

The Super Bowl LIII Food Prices Should Be Every Game!

But the point is that it works. It’s a fucking business strategy that has given this stadium some reputation. Now this is just marketing at it’s finest. Here you have a product that is not gonna cost an arm or a leg for people that already spent too much on shitty arm chairs.

That Wal-Mart mentality just kicks in with prices like that. Boom, they just start buying like five sodas, maybe a few beers, and 20 hot dogs. Not because they need it, but because it’s such a deal that anyone would be too stupid not to do it.

I’m more amazed at the fact that more stadium food are not like this. They all need to hire someone like Scott Jenkins. People would actually go to football games if prices were that low.

We as fans all have to deal with the bullshit of lines, no A/C, and wearing stupid, overpriced sport costumes.

Maybe throw us all a god-damn bone, and let us enjoy stadium food for low prices until we puke it all out later the day.

If Trump can serve the Clemson Tigers fast food, then stadium food should be a few bucks. It really isn’t that hard.